Breast feeding and expressing is a topic that’s not talked about that openly, yet has been a powerful part of my ‘heroine’s journey’ as a mother. For both of these reasons, I wanted to write about it, make the taboo less taboo, and share more about the insights and transformational journey it has taken me on personally.

This is not a blog about ‘how to’, but rather an insight into how significant (read HUGE!) life experiences such as parenthood takes us on a journey of transformation even in the smaller details, like breast feeding. I think we can minimise these everyday seemingly ordinary experiences to our detriment. Rather, when we honour these smaller significant moments in our life, we connect in to our deeper thread of meaning and purpose, and get to know ourselves a little better. 

As I write this, I’ve just completed my last express. It’s a big marker in my journey of motherhood and whilst my daughter has moved on and is asking for ‘juice’ and ‘tea’, I’m pausing to reflect. From many months of expressing breast milk for my daughter every 3 hours, day and night, now after 22 months, I’ve finished.

Breast feeding and expressing has had me in tears of pain, tears of gratitude, feeling like superwoman one day and then powerless the next.

It’s been a truly epic adventure that I hope to give you a peak into.

If you are reading this as a mum, guaranteed your own experience of providing milk for your baby will have been significant – be that milk breast milk, bottle breast milk or formula. As my daughter was born early, we were in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care unit) for 3 months and so I became part of a community of families sharing the unexpected entrance of their little ones into the world. Part of that meant I spent many hours and days with other mums in ‘milk kitchens’ and ‘expressing rooms’, sharing our experiences of ‘tube feeding’, first breast feedings and to the millilitre measured bottle feeds. Over that time, I got to hear, feel and see the personal, emotional and physical journeys we mums have with providing milk for our babies.

So I want to make really clear: mums you are amazing, be the milk you provide formula or breast milk, I have immense respect for all the love, concern and consideration you bring to caring for your beautiful babies and the unique heroine's journey you have taken.

Daily life & breast feeding: An insider view

My experience of breast feeding actually mostly looked like expressing through a mechanised pump system that I or Justin then bottle fed to our daughter, Thea. For a few reasons Thea just found bottle feeding easier and, overtime, she chose to make the move from breast to bottle. I remember the day when she looked over my head at the expressed bottle of milk, looked back and me and refused the breast, it was both funny and beautiful to see her little act of defiant choice, as well as an ache for the ending of the beautiful intimate experience of breast feeding.

At the height of Thea feeding with the same regularity as my expressing, life was basically about milk production, not an hour would go past without something milk related happening! As Justin commented, there was for some time 3 people in our relationship – me, him and my breasts. They were often at the centre of conversation; ‘How are they today?’; ‘Oh ok, a bit stuck, aching, leaking, or the ecstatic relief of ‘they released!’.

And then there was the freezer we bought for them that we then over flowed with milk, plus the kitchen top counter dedicated to expressing paraphernalia. To be honest my life was so focused on milk that I was kind of shocked when friends came round and they didn’t talk about it.

For a lot of the time, I loved marvelling at my body's ability to produce breast milk (and the mounds of buttery toast I got to eat in the process), however my nemesis was Mastitis. If you have not experienced Mastitis (engorged breasts where the milk ducks get plugged up and milk backs up in the breast), please have incredible empathy and sensitivity to any woman in your life experiencing it. It hurts like you would not believe, plus it’s so incredibly emotional. Your body and breasts have changed significantly (i.e. multiple cup sizes), they are functioning on a whole different rhythm that mandates your days and life and they also represent how you nourish your child. So when something is not going right with this rhythm it can trigger a huge amount of emotion.

For my own heroine’s journey, I’ve learnt the value of taking any significant change with my body as an invitation to peel off outer layers of mind chatter and get to some real truths about who I am. So, along with doing all I could do physically to help,  I came to see these painful times of  breast feeding as key threshold moments where I got to touch my vulnerability in a way that I don’t normally. How I treated myself in those moments were my initiations into how I can heal, grow, and resource myself better in wider life. They were also times of great insight and liberation for me because in learning to be present instead of fight my reality, I also got really connected to what mattered to me.

Breast feeding & working: A work life balance where mother nature rules

Having chosen that as a self employed couple we were going to share parenting and working between us, I have been working part time and mumming from early in Thea’s entrance to the world.

As Thea arrived early, she also arrived midway through some fairly significant work projects I had in women’s leadership with organisations in London… that is a 2hr train journey, plus an hour either side from leaving home to reaching my destination. That’s 4 hrs in total, 1 hr over my *must express* timeline.

In our work life we can get so out of balance that we can skip meals, forget to drink water, or even not got to the loo when we need to, however my mama nature lactation schedule was non-negotiable.

Which meant I found myself expressing out and about; A LOT. London Paddington first Aid room and the wonderful woman with pink hair who works there and made me feel incredibly welcome every time I rocked up - THANK YOU!  

It made a huge difference when I arrived at an office and my clients had booked out meetings rooms for me pre-workshops.  Also, not to forget my colleagues who regularly had meetings with me whilst I expressed and accepted it being just as normal and natural as I felt it to be – thank you!

It was on days like these that I felt the power and purpose of being a mum in the work place. I also saw how claiming our needs, and being in spaces as our whole selves, even where we might not easily ‘belong’, opens up new conversations, connections and experiences for everyone.

Motherhood: A lighting rod for purpose

In fact, I believe that the more we include the powerful experiences in our personal lives (such as parenthood) in how we think about our career and purpose, the more we have to give and the more fulfilled we will be in our work.

Having interviewed and coached many women on what they want from their careers and how motherhood shapes those desires, I know that motherhood ignites a powerful desire for purposeful work. If what you were doing (or how you were working) pre-motherhood did not light you up fully, you will question it. Why? Because the strength of purpose you are connected to in becoming a mum ups the game in your wider life and everything matters more.

This can lead to a period of uncertainty and self-doubt as your work identity is going through a metamorphosis. So if that is you right now, know you are on track!

And beyond motherhood, if you are reading this with your own personally significant experiences that you know are shaping how you think about work and your purpose, perhaps by including your personal experience in your work reflections, you might gain new insights.

For example, try asking yourself:

• What has this significant life experience connected me with?
• What strengths and insights about yourself have you discovered as a result?
• How has it shifted your view of the world?
• Now bring all of that insight to your career, purpose and business.
• How do they shift how you want to engage in your work?

I believe there is true magic in dropping the mask of the ‘work’ persona and allowing your significant life experiences to shape your career and business. So I’m curious what reflections these questions arise in you, do get in touch and let me know.

Trusting instinct and intuition: Feeling my way in my new mama world

As Thea was turning 1 and I was still expressing every 6 hrs, we got a piece of work on women’s leadership that involved me flying to Europe and USA. Not only did I discovered lactation pods at airports (@MAMAVA – you rock!) and ‘mother’s rooms’ at my client offices (where mums would leave messages to each other about their days and children), I also touched deeper into my love for my daughter.

Going to the states meant being away from her for 4 nights, the longest I ever have, and many, many miles away. She would be surrounded with love from Justin and grandparents and I knew would be totally happy. Rather it was me that was taking a new nervous step on my mamahood journey, yet as wobbly as I felt about it, my instinct was it felt right.

In doing so, I discovered the paradox of radical wholeness, that I can only bring the different parts of me together when I can touch them individually. That separation is essential for love to grow.

Archetypally this is the challenge and gift of the lover. We can be so in love with ‘the other’; be that our child or partner, that we can no longer distinguish ourselves from them. We morph and loose our identity. Whether that morphing means you no longer know who you are beyond being a mum, or that you suddenly notice that all your partners interests are now yours and that solo passions you did have (from singing to horse back riding, movie watching to painting) have vanished from your life. The lover teaches us that loosing our self in the other momentarily is part of the bliss, yet finding yourself again whilst being connect is the art of discovering true joy.

For me, I loved my mama oneness, part of me never ever wanted to merge out, what point was there when here is such love? This stage of oneness is so precious, so delicious… and I, Thea and Justin need me to be me, in my unique individuated way. I was at a key threshold of integrating the mystery and initiation of motherhood into my wider sense of self.

So I consciously took my flight to Seattle at another key threshold on my heroine’s journey. With each mile we flew I let my heart open wider, to Thea, to life and to my purpose. In doing so I got to feel my edges and a sense of personal self again, to feel my love for Thea and Justin in a new way.

Connecting authentically: Scrap the small talk

And, as expressing was still part of my daily ritual, I got to stay very connected to my mother body intelligence whilst speaking on women’s leadership to a largely male dominated board. In fact, expressing has created conversations and connections that would not have otherwise happened.

Like the time we ran a 2 day workshop for an NHS leadership team and I hopped off to the anti-room in breaks to express. It changed how we started talking about patient needs, intertwined with our personal lives and experience. It turns out if you break one taboo, others start to fall too.

In fact, I can say that whilst people have been slightly embarrassed, surprised and unprepared when I asked them for somewhere to express (including first being taken to a coffee machine for an ‘expresso’ before they understood my need J), I have always been received with respect and helpfulness.

I know I am lucky, because I am choosing my work schedule and the places I work are concerned about supporting mums, and it felt odd to me to realise that when I was working in these spaces pre-mamahood, there were never conversations about the needs of breast feeding, working mums. Somehow it was still taboo, perhaps because it’s a sensitive personal conversation of how a mum feels about working and parenting in the shadow of stereotypical judgements.

For me, having a need that I had to go ask for help with has made me more aware of the needs of others, such as prayer rooms, accessibility challenges, or medically related needs. And because of that it’s made me more curious about these hidden needs that we all have, and more sensitive and actively welcoming to the diversity and individuality of everyone I meet.

I think when we own the powerful experiences in our lives, the things that touch and move us; we naturally become braver in our authentic expression, as well as more empathetic to others. With a deeper rooting into our self experience (e.g. the whole mental, emotional, physical awesomeness!), our ability to withstand and even love and appreciate our trials, tribulations and triumphs from the inside out, means we develop an inner confidence. We might choose to hold this gently or fiercely depending on the occasion, yet importantly it gives us our compass to navigate the next steps on our journey.

Breast feeding has been that for me – on the surface a small part of parenting, yet on the inside a soul shaper, propelling me to be more real and courageous in sharing what I feel needs to be said and hopefully creating the space for others to do so too.

If you are feeling drawn to explore your Heroine’s Journey, read 'What is the Heroines Journey?', join a Circle of Women event, or contact me for a 30 minute complimentary coaching session.

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